What to Do

Today, for whatever reason, the realization hit me that I really don't know what to do when this school year is over. I don't know if its something I should worry about yet, or if its something to just keep in the back of my head and worry about a little bit over time.

As much as I love home, I have no social life here. There is no shower in our basement, so living with my parents will make me very dependent upon them. And I think I will feel like a big loser if I move back home. To stay at POP means I have to teach 7th-8th grade, coach everything, and be athletic director. I don' t want to teach middle school, I don't want to have the same group of kids for 3 years (more for their sake than mine), and I don't want to be athletic director. But this job has benefits; where else will i find that if I don't know what else to do? Maybe my sister would rent her upstairs room to me, but again, I'd be dependent on her and her husband for a kitchen, bathroom, etc. It would help them financially though....ugh, i wish I had answers.

I wish there was someone else in my life whose life was dependent on some of my decisions. Not so that I could screw someone else up, but I truly think it would help me decide where to go geographically, and what to do with my life. I think I know what I want, but how can I be sure? I can't live my life in fear, but I'm so afraid. I hate being alone in this. That might be the worst part of it all.

So if you read this, all I ask is that you pray for me. I don't want pity, and I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, I just have trouble verbalizing this to people because I know full well that there are SO many people worse off than me, who would love to have a job, an apartment, to be able to pay bills even if there is little left when finished. I'm grateful for what I do have, i just pray that God irons out the kinks.