Dang!!

Oh man, I swear I am getting old. I was in bed last night and all I had to do was pull the covers up, roll over, and fall fast asleep....

Somehow in the process of that, I twisted something in my shoulder, back and neck. It hurt last night, but I thought maybe it would go away by morning. Well, it didn't and could barely turn my head all day today. I heated, I iced, I went to a massage therapist, I layed down most of the day, etc. I can't believe how sore my shoulders and neck are. I knew I was stressed, but seriously!!!! This is nuts! I am getting way older than I should be!

Anyway, the day kinda made me start thinking about going back to school to be a massage therapist. :) Sometimes its good to have options!

What to Do

Today, for whatever reason, the realization hit me that I really don't know what to do when this school year is over. I don't know if its something I should worry about yet, or if its something to just keep in the back of my head and worry about a little bit over time.

As much as I love home, I have no social life here. There is no shower in our basement, so living with my parents will make me very dependent upon them. And I think I will feel like a big loser if I move back home. To stay at POP means I have to teach 7th-8th grade, coach everything, and be athletic director. I don' t want to teach middle school, I don't want to have the same group of kids for 3 years (more for their sake than mine), and I don't want to be athletic director. But this job has benefits; where else will i find that if I don't know what else to do? Maybe my sister would rent her upstairs room to me, but again, I'd be dependent on her and her husband for a kitchen, bathroom, etc. It would help them financially though....ugh, i wish I had answers.

I wish there was someone else in my life whose life was dependent on some of my decisions. Not so that I could screw someone else up, but I truly think it would help me decide where to go geographically, and what to do with my life. I think I know what I want, but how can I be sure? I can't live my life in fear, but I'm so afraid. I hate being alone in this. That might be the worst part of it all.

So if you read this, all I ask is that you pray for me. I don't want pity, and I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, I just have trouble verbalizing this to people because I know full well that there are SO many people worse off than me, who would love to have a job, an apartment, to be able to pay bills even if there is little left when finished. I'm grateful for what I do have, i just pray that God irons out the kinks.

Too Early

This morning was one of those mornings where I should have just stayed in bed. I had 2 shirts laying out; a turtleneck sweater or a button down blouse. I chose the blouse and proceeded to shiver and shake ALL DAY LONG! It was terrible! But the story gets better than that...

It was snowing and I knew I would have to trudge through the snow and clean off my car before leaving for work. So I put my boots on and throw my black shoes into my school bag. When I arrive at school, I pull out my shoes and slide them on without a thought. It was an hour later that I happen to look down towards my feet. Yes I was wearing my black shoes, but I was wearing two completely different black shoes! Oops!

Needless to say, I went with the dress clothes/tennis shoes look today because at least I then had a matching PAIR of shoes! Oiy.

March 1, 1967 - December 8, 2005

When I was growing up, there were older cousins that I was fond of, and others I was intimidated by. And then there was Tammy. She was the cousin you wanted to grow up to be. She was beautiful, funny, loved her family, so kind to everyone, and most of all, put Jesus first in her life ALL the time. It didn't matter the time, place, situation, person...she spoke to anyone and everyone about her Lord. That's the biggest reason I wanted to grow up to be Tammy. I want the courage to speak out my faith the way that she did. Even in her pain and her suffering, she trusted God's will and purpose for her life. Every day.

So as I grow up, I will strive to live with the courage Tammy did. I wish i could have thanked her personally for the example she set for us. Its easy to say she died too soon, but God allowed her to touch so many people in her short time. He had a plan the whole time. He packed so much love, joy, and inspiration into Tammy because he knew her time was short. Praise God!

In memory of Tammy Louise Kuhnau
March 1, 1967 - December 8, 2005