Thankfulness

I love this holiday ~ my principal in Indiana expressed her love about Thanksgiving to me once. Its like Christmas to her because this holiday hasn't been nearly as commercialized as Christmas. But most of all, I love Thanksgiving because it forces people to look at their blessings, we none of us do often enough.

So here is my list of things I am thankful for:

My dad - who I admire more than anyone in the world because he's AWESOME!
My mom - who listens to me whatever the case
My sister - who does her best to make me pretty even though that's hard :)
My brother-in-law - who somehow makes my sister incredibly happy
Camp people - crazy happy folks
Friends and Relatives - who actually enjoy being around me
Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper - total pick me ups
Running Shoes - they race me back to sanity
John Deere stuff and One Tree Hill - and other harmless obsessions
My cell phone - connections to the outside world
The farm - peace and serenity
My car - cracked windshield and overdue oil change and all!
Lacey - who although thinks I helped her last year, probably has NO IDEA what she did for me
And by far the most important:
Faith - and the saving grace of Jesus Christ - the only reason for getting up each morning

Disappointment and Hurt

When someone comes into town to visit, most people do a few standard things; clean their place up so its "suitable for company", fill their fridge so that company is well-fed, and get all happy because someone is coming into town to see them.

However, when that friend comes to town and chooses not to even stay with you...ouch. Doesn't come to events in her life that you've invited her to....ouch. Doesn't call to say she won't make it to see you at all for a day....ouch. Doesn't call the next morning to plan something with you...ouch. Do you get the feeling that this friend did not come into town to see you??? Yeah, me too.

The worst part for me is that this friend knows my fear of rejection probably better than anyone else, and she went ahead and rejected me in her own way anyway. Talk about the sick feeling in your stomach. I have a deep pain going on right now.

Growing up Kuhnau

Wow. I haven't felt so glad to be at school in a while as I did today. AFter spending four days in Oregon with my mom for a funeral, I am MORE THAN READY to get back to life as I knew it. I wished this weekend that God had blessed me with more patience; to handle my mom on her first plane ride. Oh my gosh, worse than a small child. Much worse.

However, I got to see some relatives that I have now met I think three times in my life. Its so weird on my mom's side because there is so much distance between all of us and no one is really that close. I guess that's probably normal, but seems strange due to the crazy closeness of the Kuhnaus. I actually mentioned the phrase, "You throw a rock you hit a Kuhnau" this weekend to my second cousins Brandon and Charis. They laughed pretty hard. They also decided that would have been a cool way to grow up; that close to pretty much your entire extended family. And it was. Growing up Kuhnau gives you definite quirks, but i wouldn't trade it for the world.

I want to write more, but my eyes are barely open. Maybe another night. Fool arrives in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Game, First Loss

Well, its not like soccer season. Although we scored 20 points, we fell short of St. John's - Maple Grove by a score of 20-30. Although my girls basketball team lost though, they scored about 18 more points than I expected. I guess if I set low standards, I will always be happy with the outcome!

We play again tomorrow, and our opponent should be less skilled than today's opponent, so maybe I'll have happier news then.

Meanwhile, the highlight of my day was sitting at lunch with John talking about the "good old days" of TV shows: Heathcliff, Alf, Square One, Carmen Sandiago, the Muppets, Smurfs, Chipmunks, oh man, i have no idea how this 12 year old knew about these wonderful shows of the past, but it made my day that he did!!!!!!

Fool is Coming!!!!!

I love talking to Carrie, the best friend, the bff, the Fool. We've been calling each other Fool for so long now that I sometimes can't even remember why we do it. But we do, and I love that we do, and I love that I have a friend who is such a great friend that I can call her names like "Fool" and she can call me "Fool" and its actually a term of endearment.

I hate the distance between us, but even during our 4 years in college, it was obvious that we came from very different places and lived very different lives and wanted different things out of life. And so now 15 hours seperate my best friend from me.

I've decided there is good in this as well as bad. I get to see her once or twice a year, but when I do, each time is so special, so fun, and I don't take it for granted. I'm afraid that is what i do when things are right there at my disposal. I don't realize what good they are to me, or bring to me. So the distance only makes me fonder, and more excited about those few times I get to see her. And its coming so fast. Only a week and a half!!!! I can't wait, I really really can't.

I thank God for people like Fool. People who are SO completely different from me, yet "just get me" and care about me for who I am, and what I do. They accept me for who I am, weird quirks, tomboyish nature, lack of security, fear of commitment me.

Life isn't fair

I have a job that never ends. Never. I have no life because I work all the time. When I'm not working, I know I should be because there is work to do. Is it worth it?

No.

This is the clear as day conclusion I came to this weekend after spending a weekend at home with my family. Its the conclusion that has been in the back of my head for the past 2 1/2 years, but it has come fully to a head now. One problem; I have three quarters of the school year to go.

I know what I want; to be near my parents, to be able to help on the farm, to have a job that I don't have to take home, to have a social life (even if its still pathetic). I know what I don't want; I don't want to teach, I don't want to live alone, and I don't want to live in the city.

So for now, I wait. I get through the school year and then I get on with my life. I pray for strength to get through each day. I pray for enough smiles to cover my feelings for awhile. I pray for sanity to get through this basketball season. I pray for an end to the monotonous tasks, though I know that will not come. One day at a time.